This is a quote that I absolutely adore. I love it because it provokes deep thought for me…. as an invitation to explore my inner world and get honest about what, exactly, I’m holding onto that isn’t serving me any longer.
I’ve very recently discovered this trait called High Sensitivity, and I resonate with it powerfully. So much so that I now identify myself as an HSP. What I’ve learned about myself that has been so life-changing within this model is that I have trained myself to have a thick skin…. to “make it or break it” — to “pick myself up by the bootstraps and carry on.” I’m a survivor. I’ve learned that there is nothing whatsoever that is remotely authentic for me about this posturing. I picked it up along the way as a protective mechanism to hide my heightened sensitivity from others, as if it were shameful. I’m different. I’m odd. I’ve always been different and unique. I’m highly misunderstood. I’m radical, and people don’t understand me. I have worked tirelessly, in fact, my entire life, to be understood. To fit in. To be “normal” by my family’s, and society’s, standards (whatever THAT means)! I have failed miserably. On every count.
You see, I am thin-skinned. Today I am most proud of this. I am intensely empathic, and sensitive to the experiences, emotions, and energies of everyone, and everything around me. I am highly spiritual in nature, and I have struggled immensely with owning my own power, as I used to so readily give it up for others. Boundaries can be exceedingly challenging for me. I have spent so much of my life discerning just what I personally need to hang onto, and what, for my benefit and for the highest good of all, I need to release. I only know that I have an empassioned, brilliant, burning, blazing lightning rod of creative genius inside of me that I shut down many years ago. Shut her up and got a job. Looked like what I thought I was “supposed” to be doing, and ignored that still, small voice, and starved her to death. Well, she ended up a ruthless dragon… slaying everything on my path to get my attention. And am I ever so thankful for her prowess to destroy facades. She has so much power, she can scare the crap out of me if I’m not mindful. She creates havoc for me, and everything goes wrong. I am learning on this journey to honor all of the voices within. I am no longer afraid of the power of my inner dragon – so full of fury and fire for tolerating the intolerable.
You see, I still work in a 9-to-5 J.O.B. that is taking my very Life Force every single day. I hate my job. I hate my boss. I am so tired of fighting it. I force myself to “fight the good fight” everyday, even though I can’t bear my very own life. I am finally admitting to myself that I want to leave it all…. “throw it all away.” I want to walk right onto the beach and write poetry and make gorgeous art. I want to sit by the sides of the elderly who have no people. I want to break bread with starving people, and cut their hair, and open their hearts. I don’t want to be responsible anymore. I want to be FREE! This painful dragon makes me honest. She destroys my iron will to live. She corrupts my faculties for survival. She makes me get so honest, and to say that I absolutely hate my life. Yet I cannot fathom leaving it. The only way out feels like I have to die. I cannot die. I have a child to raise. This is so profoundly painful; this pain of the knife in my system, cutting away to the truth. Pain…. deep, gutteral, blood-wrenching pain is the weapon of this dragon. When the pain becomes excruciating enough…. I just want to die. Is it from here that I let go? Have I not had enough pain forcing my way through this life? Enough pain now, that I can completely surrender, and release, to my dreams? Is it now that I get to really LIVE?
So destroy me…. kill me. So whatever. I’m done. I give up. I don’t care.
This is where the magic happens… the release from hell. The attachment is broken, the wailing and nashing of teeth withers, the obsession is free, the fever breaks and I surrender. I no longer want anything but peace. I no longer need things to turn out my way or to go away. And finally my mind opens up. I am empty. I can allow a million options in, inside of this wilderness of freedom. I can choose anything I want now, because I don’t care. And that’s where Spirit lives! In the vortex of a million options, infinite opportunities, and an open mind and heart. The dragon power is what takes me to the Sweeping Light and a freedom that tastes like sweet nectar. The dragon power breaks through my resistance and the fear of letting go. Maybe it takes a dragon to break the grip of the primitive survival brain. Maybe it takes a dragon to release the True Wonder of letting go and being lifted or catapulted in a new direction.
What a are you still holding on to? Attachment is the dragon’s fuel. Holding on is what flames its fire. You have a dragon power that is stronger than your will power. This dark, dense, dragon is alive and wild. It is more powerful than anything you can control. And it clears the way for your True Life, the only life that stems from within and does not need to be controlled.
Its True Name is Love. Let it have Its Own Way. Let Go of what no longer feeds you. Or at least get honest about it. Don’t compromise what you Truly want in settling for what you “can” do.